understanding is a process, relationships are a process. capitalism wants you to believe that these are finished products, and are to be experienced as such
And bought as such, as well.
Understanding and relationships are journeys, not destinations. Life is not a “set it and forget it” system where once you check off enough milestone/status boxes you can ignore it and expect everything to stay fine. Relationships, especially poly relationships, require constant monitoring and maintenance, however small.
Yet often, actively working on relationships or actively working to improve understanding is looked down on. People seem to think that “working on a relationship” always means something is broken, or bad, but how can that be so? We allow for “routine maintenance” in almost all other aspects of our lives. We have to eat every day to maintain our bodies - food isn’t considered bad. We have to practice skills to keep them sharp - practicing isn’t considered something to be ashamed of. We need to wash clothing to keep it nice - that isn’t considered a failure. So why does society continue to push the idea that relationships are finished products to be bought and sold?
1. Stop faking your fucking orgasms. Society already tells young men that they run the fucking universe - if they can’t turn your cunt into a shooting star then for god’s sake, let them know about it.
2. Once you’ve stopped faking your fucking orgasms, use this newfound honesty throughout the rest of your life - stop ordering coffee you don’t actually like; stop sitting at a desk and allowing people to treat you like shit in the hopes that a meek attitude will earn you a promotion (it won’t); stop telling people they can finish your food when you’re not actually done yet. These may seem petty, but they add up, just like every orgasm you didn’t actually get to have.
3. If you wanna dance all night, dance all fucking night. Dance all night even if you have work in the morning. The worst that will happen is you’ll drink RedBull all day and look like a zombie - pass it off as a head cold to the real zombies you work with and flick through the embarrassing photos you’re being tagged in as you pretend to take a shit for some peace and quiet. I promise, you’ll remember dancing all night in ten years, not the suspicious way your boss looked at you that morning.
4. If your ass looks big in that, that’s a good thing.
5. You will never be as young as you are this second. Embrace it.
6. Embrace the fact that you’re going to get older. Ask your boyfriend if he will still love you when you’re seventy and your tits are down to your knees. Look forward to this time - seventy year old women are allowed to do pretty much whatever they want, and no-one can stop them. You can carry candy in your bag and not share it with a single soul. You can stay home all day and cross-stitch expletives onto handkerchiefs for your grandchildren and slip them under the table out of sight of the people you raised. You can drink whisky at 10am. Every phase of your life is going to be amazing for different reasons. Embrace that.
7. A lot of people will pretend to love Bukowski. Don’t pretend to love Bukowski if you don’t love Bukowski. It’s overplayed and no-one will mind if you actually like Virginia Andrews instead - the people who do mind are boring."